9 Common Phrases Sociopaths Might Use On The People They Love

Sociopaths are known for their lack of empathy. When they form relationships, it is often motivated by self-serving purposes. Identifying sociopathic tendencies can be challenging, as sociopathy is often viewed as a spectrum, and the dynamics can vary from one individual to another. However, according to experts, certain behaviors and phrases are commonly associated with sociopaths, even in relationships where they claim to “love” someone. This raises the question: Can sociopaths fall in love?

Contrary to what one might assume, sociopaths can experience love, albeit in their own unique way. “While ‘sociopath’ is not a clinical diagnosis (psychologists typically diagnose Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD, which shares some similarities), it is possible for sociopaths to experience love in a relationship — though it may differ significantly from what others understand as love,” explains Dr. Judy Ho, Ph.D., a clinical and forensic neuropsychologist.

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) is a mental health condition characterized by irrational behavior and difficulties in maintaining relationships. Experts estimate it affects between 1% and 4% of the U.S. population.

When individuals with sociopathic tendencies or ASPD form close relationships, they express their love in unconventional ways. “This often involves loving someone who boosts their self-esteem, such as someone of high status or someone who adores them and will do anything for them,” Dr. Ho says. “It may also involve loving someone for transactional purposes, like gaining access to their financial resources or achieving another goal.”

The experience of love for a sociopath is nuanced. As Dr. Darrel Turner, president of Turner Psychology, notes, “For the sociopath, the experience of love is much more shallow and less meaningful.” They tend to view relationships in self-serving terms, often seeing their partner as a “trophy” rather than as someone they deeply care for.

More often than not, partners of sociopaths describe their relationships as “cold” or “distant.” Sociopaths are inherently manipulative, a behavior that may be deliberate or reflexive. “They cannot help but be destructive to their partners, and in many cases, they enjoy the challenge of ‘breaking’ someone,” Dr. Turner says. “The stronger and more independent the person is, the more satisfying it may feel to them — almost as though it’s a game.”

At first glance, sociopaths may appear charming and kind, making it difficult to spot red flags. However, experts identify several phrases sociopaths are likely to use in relationships.

Common Phrases Sociopaths Use in Relationships

1. “Nobody gets me like you do.”
   While sociopaths do feel certain emotions, these are often limited. “A sociopathic person can feel basic emotions like pain, anger, sexual attraction, pleasure, and interest, but these feelings are typically glib and fleeting,” says Laney Zukerman, relationship coach and author. When they say something like, “Nobody gets me like you do,” they may mean it in the moment, but there is rarely deeper significance behind the statement.
2. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
   While this phrase may seem like a heartfelt declaration of love, from a sociopath, it is often used to manipulate. According to Zukerman, “There is no real depth to their words.” Sociopaths are highly intelligent and know what people want to hear. They often say things in the moment to gain trust or sympathy.
3. “No one loves you like I do.”
   Sociopaths often use flattery and affection to manipulate their partners. “If you upset them or they feel slighted, they can quickly turn to manipulation,” Dr. Ho explains. This phrase may be used to build dependence on them while discouraging their partner from leaving.
4. “You’re lucky to have me.”
   Sociopaths often alternate between building their partner up and tearing them down. Statements like “No one will love you like I do” or “I could do better” are classic examples of their tactics. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., “Once their needs are met, they often discard people or become cold and unresponsive.”
5. “You owe me.”
   Sociopaths view relationships as transactional. “They have little capacity for intimacy, mutuality, or reciprocity in relationships,” Dr. Durvasula explains. This often leads them to keep score, using guilt to manipulate their partner into meeting their demands.
6. “I already did this for you. What more do you want?”
   Sociopaths are known for their lack of empathy and unwillingness to give back in relationships. According to Dr. Turner, their relationships often involve emotional or verbal abuse. When their partner asks for something, they may respond with hostility, especially if they feel they’ve already gotten what they wanted from the relationship.
7. “I don’t have time for this.”
   Sociopaths deflect responsibility and minimize the concerns of others. “They generally do not care about how their actions impact others,” Dr. Ho says. Any expression of empathy is often feigned, done solely to maintain appearances or achieve a goal.
8. “You’re the best.”
   Flattery is a tool sociopaths use to manipulate their partners. Compliments like “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met” or “You’re the best” are often insincere and intended to disarm their target.
9. “I want to spend every second with you.”
   Sociopaths often isolate their partners from friends and family, but they frame it as love or devotion. “They may act controlling, dictating how their partner dresses, who they spend time with, or what they do,” Dr. Ho explains. This behavior ensures their partner remains dependent on them.

While these phrases and behaviors are commonly associated with sociopathic tendencies, context is crucial. Not everyone who uses these phrases is a sociopath. If someone you know exhibits manipulative or harmful behaviors, consider seeking guidance from a licensed mental health professional to set appropriate boundaries.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

Experts Referenced:

• Dr. Judy Ho, Ph.D., Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist
• Dr. Darrel Turner, President of Turner Psychology
• Laney Zukerman, Relationship Coach and Author
• Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Author