Apparently, there is a socially acceptable “body count”—and going too far in either direction might get you judged. A new study finds there’s a sweet spot when it comes to how much sex is just enough.
The study, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, set out to define what society sees as the “ideal” level of sexual activity for men and women. The results: people with moderate sex lives are judged most positively, while those at either extreme—super active or completely inactive—tend to face social penalties.
The study, which surveyed over 340 participants from two separate samples in Germany, asked people how society would view a 25-year-old man or woman with varying levels of sexual activity. The questions covered everything from number of sex partners and frequency of intercourse to masturbation habits and sexual fantasies.
This Is the ‘Ideal’ Body Count
High sexual activity was rated more favorably for men than for women—no surprise there. Meanwhile, low sexual activity was rated more positively for women than for men. But the most socially approved behavior? Not the extremes. Moderate levels of sexual activity were considered the sweet spot for both genders.
“There are both similarities and differences in the societal evaluation of male and female sexuality,” the researchers wrote. “However, contrary to common assumptions, moderate rather than extremely low or extremely high levels of sexual activity are most valued for both genders.”
The data suggests that, yes, sexual double standards still exist—but they’re more complicated than the old “stud vs. slut” narrative.
So what’s considered “ideal”? For men, the magic numbers were about 4–5 lifetime sex partners, with 2–3 being casual, and an age of sexual debut between 18 and 20. For women, the “ideal” was lower: 2–3 total sex partners, 1–2 casual ones, and an age of first sex between 16 and 18.
Men were also rated most favorably if they had sex 4–5 times per week and masturbated 3–4 times a week, while women were judged most positively at 3–4 times and 2–3 times, respectively. Even sexual fantasies had a social ceiling: three times a day for men, two for women.
Interestingly, the study also found that men who had less sex than their ideal were judged more harshly than women in the same situation—suggesting men still face pressure to perform, while women are penalized more for exceeding expectations.
In short, moderation is hot. Too much, and you’re “too much.” Too little, and people wonder what’s wrong. Social norms haven’t totally caught up with sexual freedom, but they might be getting slightly more nuanced. Just don’t expect them to make sense anytime soon.
